The Marriage Covenant:
More Than Luck, It’s Sheer Determination
It is a mistake to think that a marriage lasting 20, 30, or even 50 years was sustained by luck. If that’s how someone sees it, they are missing the entire point of what marriage truly is. A marriage that lasts, and I mean really lasts, doesn’t happen because two people floated along in some fairytale. It takes grit, determination, and a whole lot of work. The world today might say, “If it’s too hard, get out.” That mindset has caused untold damage to homes and souls. But those who keep their vows know better. Marriage requires sacrifice, forgiveness, and—above all—stubborn will.
Standing Before God
Let’s not forget how marriage starts. Two people stand before God and witnesses to make a vow. A promise not just to each other but to the Almighty. The world may treat marriage as a temporary agreement, but God sees it differently. “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:9). You don’t break something sacred just because life throws you a curveball. Those vows are not just words spoken in a moment of emotion. They are binding, and they demand honor.
Sacrifice and Forgiveness
Any marriage that has endured the test of time was built on sacrifice. A husband and wife have to put each other before themselves, time and again. Sometimes it’s small things: making dinner when you’re tired, listening when you’d rather not. Other times it’s much bigger: forgiving a mistake, or rebuilding trust when it’s broken. None of that is easy. Yet, those who stay married know they have to be willing to do the hard things.
Forgiveness is one of those hard things. Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Forgiveness in marriage isn’t optional. It’s essential. There will be times when one or both will need it. Marriage can’t survive if bitterness and resentment take root. Couples who’ve made it for decades have learned to forgive, because holding on to wrongs is the surest way to destroy the relationship.
The Stubborn Will to Stay Married
Here’s what I think too many couples today forget—sometimes the only thing holding you together is sheer stubborn will. It’s the unshakable determination to stay married because you stood in front of God and witnesses and made a vow. Sometimes, love is tested, patience wears thin, and feelings fade. But the vow doesn’t. Stubbornness in marriage isn’t a bad thing when it’s aimed at keeping you together. Those who’ve been married 50 years didn’t make it that far without some white-knuckled resolve.
When life gets tough, it’s easy to walk away. But for those who fear God and honor their vows, walking away isn’t an option. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 5:4, “When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.” A vow made before God is serious business, and those who break it will answer for it.
Humility and Communication
No marriage can survive without humility. Pride is a marriage killer. The Bible is clear: “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). Those who’ve made it through decades of marriage learned to swallow their pride. They cared more about their marriage than winning an argument or being right all the time. That takes humility, something rare in today’s world. But the couples who endure know that the only way forward is to put the other person first, even when it’s hard.
And then there’s communication. If you think you can stay married without learning how to talk—and listen—you’re in for a rude awakening. James 1:19 tells us, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” Couples who’ve made it 50 years didn’t do it by ignoring problems. They learned to communicate, even when it was uncomfortable. They didn’t hold grudges. They didn’t let small issues grow into mountains. They faced the hard conversations head-on and worked through them.
Marriage is a Covenant, Not a Contract
Marriage is not a contract you can just walk away from when it becomes inconvenient for one or both parties. A contract is based on mutual benefit, but a covenant is a lifelong commitment made before God, regardless of circumstances or benefit. Those who’ve been married for decades understand that. They know that when you’re in a covenant, you don’t quit when the going gets tough. You hold on, even when your knuckles are bleeding. You don’t break your word.
For a marriage to endure, both husband and wife must cling to the covenant they made. They know they are accountable to God for how they treat their marriage. Malachi 2:14 speaks to the seriousness of this commitment: “Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.”
Conclusion: Fight for Your Marriage
To those thinking about giving up on their marriage, hear this: fight for it. You don’t get to 30 or 50 years by accident. It takes work, sacrifice, forgiveness, humility, and stubborn will. You made a vow before God, and that vow means something. If you’re in a rough patch, don’t throw in the towel. Get help if you need it. Learn how to communicate. Swallow your pride. Forgive. But most of all, remember the vow you made before God. You didn’t promise to stay married only when it was easy. You promised to stay married, period.
Marriage is worth fighting for. But it requires two people who are willing to do the work. Those who understand this truth are the ones celebrating 50-year anniversaries. Luck has nothing to do with it.