Kindness and Truth
The Dangerous Confusion
In our modern world, the line between kindness and dishonesty has blurred. Somewhere along the way, people began confusing kindness with lying, thinking they are doing good by sparing feelings or avoiding conflict. This is not only a misunderstanding but also a dangerous path that undermines truth and weakens the very foundation of honest communication.
The Biblical Mandate for Truth
The Bible is clear: truth matters. Proverbs 12:22 says, "Lying lips are abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are his delight." God values truth and integrity in His people, and He despises falsehood. Yet, many today have embraced the idea that sparing someone’s feelings, even at the cost of truth, is somehow a form of kindness.
But is it really kind to lie to someone, even if it’s under the pretense of protecting their emotions? The Bible teaches us that true love for others is shown through honesty, not deception. Paul, in Ephesians 4:15, reminds believers to "speak the truth in love." Telling someone the truth, even when it is difficult, is a true act of love because it seeks their ultimate good.
The Confusion: Niceness Over Truth
What we are witnessing today is a cultural shift where being "nice" often takes precedence over truth. Niceness has become one of the highest virtues in society, but this comes at the expense of honesty. Some sarcastically refer to this mindset as the "11th commandment," which emphasizes the idea of "Thou shalt be nice." While Christians are indeed called to display kindness and gentleness (Colossians 3:12), this should never result in compromising or avoiding hard truths. Incidentally, a command for niceness is noticeably absent in Holy Writ.
When kindness turns into a soft form of dishonesty, it ceases to be kindness at all. Real kindness seeks the well-being of others, and sometimes that means telling them what they may not want to hear. Jesus Christ never shied away from telling people the truth, even when it upset them. In Matthew 23:27, Jesus openly rebuked the Pharisees by calling them "whited sepulchres," highlighting their hypocrisy. His words were truthful, direct, and undoubtedly uncomfortable, but they were spoken out of a desire for people to repent and come to the truth.
The Consequences of Avoiding Truth
When we choose to lie or withhold truth for the sake of being "kind," we are not serving others; we are harming them. Proverbs 27:6 says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." The wounds that come from a truthful friend are far more valuable than the flattery or empty niceties of someone who would rather avoid discomfort than help you grow.
Avoiding truth leads to deception, self-delusion, and an inability to grow in righteousness. How can we truly repent or change if no one is willing to speak up? How can we help others see their need for Christ if we sugarcoat the message to avoid offending them? When churches embrace "niceness" over biblical truth, they compromise the very gospel itself. A gospel watered down for the sake of being nice ceases to convict hearts and change lives.
Conclusion: Returning to Biblical Integrity
Christians must return to a biblical understanding of kindness—one that upholds truth, even when it is difficult. As followers of Christ, our communication should reflect His example. Jesus, in His ministry, always told the truth, even when it offended or upset people. He was never concerned with merely making people feel good; He was concerned with leading them to righteousness and eternal life.
We must do the same. We must be kind, yes, but never at the expense of truth. Kindness without truth is deception. Real kindness always seeks the ultimate good of others, and that requires honesty. In a world increasingly confused about what it means to be kind, let us be those who stand firm on the truth of God’s Word, speaking it in love and with integrity.